Thoughts with alcohol Teil des Episodenwerkes: A Drinker's Diary

  - Einleitung
  - Kapitel 1: Thoughts with alcohol
  - Kapitel 2: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 3: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 4: Thoughts with alcohol
  - Kapitel 5: Thoughts with and about alcohol
  - Kapitel 6: Thoughts with alcohol
  - Kapitel 7: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 8: Thoughts with alcohol
  - Kapitel 9: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 10: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 11: Thoughts about alcohol
  - Kapitel 12: Thoughts with alcohol
  - Kapitel 13: Deterioration
  - Kapitel 14: Gedanken mit John an meiner Seite.


I’ll have a drink, since what harm can it to do to me now? I, who has attended two lectures today, who has played many games of cards today and who was out of liquor this morning, have found my emergency bottle.
Now there must be some deliberation before I have this drink. I had a fairly successful day, have read and written some pages, have won many a game and have waited for the end of this day.
Waiting for the evening, I lived through another day of my life, another fulfilled series of moments, and yet a great pile of meaningless actions. Why do I play, why do I laugh, why do I live and most of all why do I have these thoughts.
I’ve read some pieces of great epistemological philosophers, but they can’t give me the answer I’m searching for. Marie calls the answer truth and is on a great journey in order to find it, though she doesn’t know, but I call the answer death. Like the snow falling outside, I’m waiting, waiting and existing, just expecting the spring’s warm sun, which will melt me and let me flow away.
Believing in the need for confirmation once more I will not burn myself in the light ball, but rather, like the fallen leaves of autumn, change and become one with the earth.
One day a flower may live in the ground I became. One day a Marie may walk past it, pluck it, dry it, and for a few moments or a lifetime find the joy in it, which I couldn’t give to my Marie.